Ghosting, Strip Searches, The Reapproach, A Husband's Obsession
Ask Erin: Three-Sentence Answer Edition
In an effort to get through more questions, today marks the start of a new regular feature: the three-sentence answer. Why? I currently have 630 unanswered questions sitting in my Ask Erin inbox, AND many of them are questions I frequently get variations of, AND some don’t require lengthy answers. So why not answer them as briefly as possible, I say!
My Ex-Lover Ghosted Me
Q.
My ex-lover ghosted me after he manhandled me, and I hit him for it. He also had just told me he had an STD. He won’t speak to me about what happened. What should I do? I want answers and an apology.
A.
Your situationship with said lover, with the manhandling and hitting and ghosting, was not a healthy one. Accept that you will likely never get answers or an apology, especially the kind that would make this all feel any better. You should get tested for STDs, move the heck on, and know that one day you will realize he did you a favor by ghosting you.
Strip Search Poop Etiquette
Q.
Hi Erin, I have a question about being strip-searched in jail. I was locked up in a county jail for nine months. The very first time I ever got strip-searched, the guards had me take off all my clothes completely naked and had me bend over and squat, and they had me spread open my but cheeks and cough. I was very nervous doing it that, by accident, I took a big poop right in front of the guards. I couldn't help myself. I guess I really needed to go. Was it ok for me to go at that time if I couldn't get to the toilet? Should I have told the guards beforehand I needed to go poop? The guards didn't seem bothered by it; I guess they're used to seeing that kind of stuff. It was just an unfortunate accident that happened to me. Erin, can you email me back?
A.
Assuming this question is authentic (I have some doubts; sometimes the questions read like the email equivalent of being flashed, and this guy seems less concerned with being strip-searched than bothering the guards, but I digress.), I do not believe the guards would have let you go to the toilet beforehand, even if you told them you had to poop. I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it; they've likely seen it before, and, as the children's book says, "everyone poops." I won't email you back, but I have answered your question.
The Reapproach
Q.
Hello Erin, Four months ago, I saw a woman that I was hoping to ask out. Unfortunately, my anxiety kicked in, and just as I was about to talk to her, I panicked, and naturally, she looked in the other direction. I see her every now and then, and part of me wants to walk up to her and try and explain what happened, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't matter. What do you think I should do?
A.
We have all had moments like this. There is no need to explain anything. The next time you see her, say hello and strike up a conversation (make a go-to list ahead of time so you don't have to think too hard on the spot). If the vibe is there, just ask her out.
My Husband’s Obsession
Q.
My husband is obsessed with one of my friends. She's told him she doesn't see him in that way, but he continues to want to see her any way he can without me knowing. This has been going on for several years. I've talked to him about it, and he says he doesn't know why he is obsessed with her. It's something about her. We've been together since middle school and married since 2015.
A.
Your husband continues to seek out your friend despite your friend making it clear (we'll assume she made it clear) that she does not reciprocate his affection for her, which is a problem. In your position, I would demand that my husband seek therapy because this isn't an issue of "there's something about her." Instead, this is about him, and he is likely projecting something he needs to work out onto her.
What do you think? Leave a comment and let me know!
XOXO
The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I’m not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share the wisdom I’ve gained after years of making mistakes. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendships, depression, parenting, sex, consent, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, what I’m listening to, or anything at all, use the contact form HERE or email me: askerin@erinkhar.com. As always, your anonymity is golden.
I like the constraint of the 3-sentence replies. Well done.
I like constraints. This sounds sexy. OMG ♥️